Bethesdaland A.K.A. Lamesville. Population: Todd Howard.

Jun 17, 17  | posted by xsuicidesn0wmanx (2392)

Short and Sweet But Lacking Surprise.

Continuing E3 week, Bethesda was next up to catch the wrath of our unfiltered and unadulterated minds. Gone for this years show are the amazing Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb. For me this already starts off Bethesda’s show on a sour note. Those who know me know that Adam Sessler is one of the people who inspired me to create this site and I enjoy whenever I can see him on screen talking video games. Instead, Bethesda starts off their show with a montage of developers and their children. I wouldn’t call this an exciting intro, not to mention they’ve got all these nerds and not one single pocket protector. I am utterly disappointed! I can’t help but feel these are the people that made all those Bethesda games I never liked. One unique twist on this years press conference is the show is taking place outside. This explains why the show is taking place so late in the day. Poor Killer1022, had work in the morning and couldn’t stay up late to watch it. :(

The show officially starts when Pete Hines takes the stage. What an honest man, doesn’t waste any time acknowledging how drunk the crowd must be for that applause. All joking aside, he seems like a pretty cool dude compared to some of the stiffs we’ve seen on stage before. Before he leaves he makes sure to remind everyone in the crowd of all those great games they didn’t buy… Prey, Dishonored 2… You know, games that were totally awesome but you ignored anyway. Seriously, go buy their games before they create Skynet and all those unsold discs come back to murder us.

Uh oh, Bethesda didn’t get the memo, they’ve brought a pair of VR games to the show, starting with Doom VFR for those 3 people out there with a Vive headset who absolutely needed a mutant version of Doom. Seriously though, I really want to know what the fuck is it with VR games that you always get a set of hands that look like a pair of gloves floating in the air? Graphically the game looks really good, but apparently the base game moves too fast for VR so movement is controlled by picking a spot on the map, floating to it and then shooting anything that’s coming at you. Does not appear you can actually control your movement in real-time.

I can’t help but chuckle as the trailer for Fallout 4 VR starts. It sounds as if only one person clapped for Doom VFR, can totally see Pete Hines cashing out his stock in Zenimax through the E-Trade app on his phone behind stage. Fallout 4 VR is a bit more impressive, although the graphics are not as jaw dropping as Doom, you can actually control all of your movements. This feels more like a straight up port with minimal changes for VR. For many that will be enough, Fallout 4 has a fervent fanbase and can’t get enough of the game. One question I have, where the hell is Skyrim VR? They’ve ported the game to every device on the planet including your toaster, where’s the VR adaptation?

In a move that nobody saw coming, Elder Scrolls Online is now on display. Wait, why aren’t you surprised? We brought back Morrowind… Bethesda shows a montage of streamers watching footage of the Morrowind expansion. Everyone seems to care more about the well being of the bear than the game itself. Side note: All of the mouths are out of sync with the speech, it’s like watching a bad Kung Fu flick without the Kung Fu. Need Chuck Norris to come in here and roundhouse kick the audio feed back into alignment. I must say this addition does look fun and visually appealing, plus Morrowind is one of my favorite games of all time. For those of you who still have not emptied their wallets for Bethesda, ESO: Morrowind is out now!

“Speaking of Morrowind, did you know that Bethesda’s first PC User Mods in 2002, were for The Elder Scrolls Morrowind?” Why no sir I did not! Now here’s a bad idea that worked out well for Bethesda last time. Paid Mods. Bethesda introduces the Bethesda Creation Club. Creation Club content will be made by Bethesda Studios and outside developers, and can be bought using in game credits. How players would earn these credits or if they are microtransactions was not revealed. Judging by the internet’s reaction to this announcement, politicians in DC aren’t the only ones garnering hate in Maryland these days.

Now hold on, we’re not done talking about Elder Scrolls yet. No.. would you… god damnit it’s not Skyrim! Oh Jesus Christ, it’s kind of Skyrim. Bethesda announces a new expansion to the Elder Scrolls Legends digital Collectible Card Game called The Elder Scrolls Legends: Heroes of Skyrim. I guess it looks cool, I’m not so much a fan of digital Collectible Card Games, I’d rather play with actual cards? Why the fuck don’t they sell this as an actual CCG? Break out the 20 sided die and duel it out at the kitchen table with your best friend like the old days. Elder Scrolls Legends: The Heroes of Skyrim, because why the fuck didn’t you buy it?

So far I have mixed feelings on this Bethesdaland theme. It’s definitely no replacement for Sessler and Webb, but there’s a dragon in it. The dragon in Bethesdaland actually breathes fire, I’m not sure this is kid friendly. Back to the show.

For those of you who haven’t spent your entire life savings on Skyrim. It’s time to take a look at Skyrim on the Nintendo Switch. Aaaaaaand every Nintendo fan just creamed him/her-self, Skyrim on Switch with Zelda amiibo support for in-game costumes and items. Seriously, can’t make this shit up. If you ask me, there’s a reason they showed the gear from the neck down, don’t want to ruin Links boyish looks just yet. This latest release of Skyrim will be available this winter.

Alright, finally, something I can get excited for. This definitely looks like a Dishonored game. Video shows a lady with a mechanical arm beating the shit out of a couple henchmen before slitting some dudes throat. Opens a door at the end of the hallway to free a friend who was being held prisoner. Looks really good, and we know Dishonored games are good, might have to get this. It’s called Dishonored: Death of the Outsider and it’ll be available on September 15th, 2017. Not quite sure who the outsider is, guessing someone from Dishonored 2.  Note to self: I should actually play Dishonored 2.

Now here comes the cocky Bethesda we’re getting tired of. It’s not bad enough that they sick their lawyer puppies on anyone who even looks at them funny, or their thinly veiled attempt to plant their flag as creators of user mods on PC. Now they’re trying to suggest they invented e-sports in the 1990’s with a Quake Tournament in Dallas. Did Bethesda even exist back in 1996? Bethesda shows a trailer of Quake Champions mixed with some shots of people supposedly playing the game. The game doesn’t look half bad, though it really doesn’t impress either. I can already tell this is the kind of game I suck at. Couple of rounds in this game and I’ll need a set of knee-pads. The coolest aspect of this game in my opinion is that they’ve added B.J. Blazkowicz from Wolfenstein as a playable character. Following the trailer Bethesda announces the Quake World Championships to be held on August 26th, 2017 in Dallas, Texas. The tournament will feature a prize pool of $1 million USD. If you’re interested in Quake Champions you can find a demo of the game on

So far the show has been pretty mediocre. There really hasn’t been any surprises except for the Dishonored expansion and most of the games shown are games I already had a chance to buy and passed on. I really don’t look forward to playing VR, I’m already burnt out on Elder Scrolls Online, and I really couldn’t care to play a card game on a console/PC. Dishonored: Death of the Outsider looks cool, I’ll definitely get into that a bit, but Quake Champions so far has failed to impress.

Part of it may simply be the fact we already knew what Bethesda was going to show off at E3. The good news is we also know what’s coming next, and these last 2 games are definitely something to get hyped for. If you’re looking for a new psychological thriller/survival horror game, Bethesda is bringing back The Evil Within 2 and it looks creepier than your great-uncle after he downs 2 shots of Jack and pops a Viagra. Players will once again take control of Sebastian Castellanos who just found out his kid is still alive. The fucked up part, every time he gets near her in the trailer, she disappears in a ball of fire. This just looks looks like a total emotional mind fuck. I’m also really enjoying this cover of Duran Duran’s Ordinary World, like the cover songs from Gears of War trailers, this is done to perfection. The Evil Within 2 will be coming out on Friday the 13, October 2017.

Bethesda quickly does a 180 as the show turns into a weird German Lassie but with a Giant Fire-breathing Metal Dog instead. The screen quickly pans out to show a cat like creature flipping channels on the TV. In a way it’s creepy to see how a German controlled America would look, but they’ve definitely nailed the atmosphere. Oh look, a Republican, I recognize the symbol on his sleeve. Not surprised he’s asking for an I.D. BJ Blazkowicz returns, this time to start another American Revolution to kick the Germans out, though he has to convince the locals that he’s not a Nazi first. They’re not so receptive, even threaten to shove a grenade up his ass. Like… Damn lady, don’t threaten us with a good time. How’d you know that grenade would fit up there anyway? have we met before?

This is another game that looks in-fucking-credibly beautiful, but it’s also god damn hilarious. I can see why Pete Hines said this game was ‘fucking bananas’ a few weeks ago, it’s just off the wall humor mixed with fantastic gunplay. I especially love the part where the guy tries to eat a piece of food with his mechanical arm, but just keeps smashing it on his face… This game looks as brutal as The Old Blood, lots of shooting, lots of blood, brutal melee moves, and the characters are out of this world. There’s this Nazi bitch that’s fucking crazy, I love it. And then the the trailer ends with BJ’s pregnant wife repeatedly stabbing some guy in the chest as her companion drops a hit of acid and tries to catch a little cartoon lizard. Fucking bananas indeed. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus will be out on October 27th, 2017 and will definitely be one of the top games on my buy list for this fall.

Overall I still have mixed feelings. The show was very short and I didn’t like most of the games, but Bethesda finished off incredibly strong with 3 of the last 4 games landing on my current wishlist. I don’t think they were as strong as Microsoft, but the show lacked the same amount of cringe that EA’s did. If you want to see the whole show, check out the video below. The show starts at the 2hr 59min mark and lasts about 35 minutes.

Don’t forget to check out our other E3 press conference recaps and share your thoughts in the comments below.


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