I say this with a heavy heart. Forza Horizon, I’m breaking up with you.

When we first met you zoom zoomed all over my face. I was so happy exploring your body or errrrrrr…roads. It was a breath of fresh air. Every racing game before you had the same old racing tracks and cars. You brought back an excitement that I hadn’t experienced since Test Drive Unlimited and Need for Speed Underground (ah T.I. and your 24’s song). We raced online with my friends, your friends, EVEN MADE NEW FRIENDS! You brought in new types of races like racing against a plane or off road all while using that glorious Forza Motorsport gameplay. You even hid classic cars in barns around the map and made me find them. It was great! But the best thing about you was that the racing was tight, the online was smooth, and the customization was unlimited. You were one of the best racing games on Xbox 360. You reminded me of how fun open world racing can be.

Everything was going great. I was having fun and you kept spinning your disc from excitement. Then you decided to make another version of yourself. I was so happy thinking it’d be a much bigger better version of when we first met. Popping you into my disc tray I immediately got excited, even had an irregular heartbeat. Then I saw the SAME DAMN GAME with 2.0 written over it. I thought “ahhhhh fuck” as I played it from the start. Build up my rep, gain new cars, and unlock new events. But since it had been a few years, I slowly began to enjoy you again, and our love rekindled. The gameplay I love so much kept pulling me in. Plus, who doesn’t like to drive around a map and shoot the shit with friends.

Then you went and announced another sequel. This time exclusively for the Xbox One. I immediately creamed my pants and threw money at you. A beautiful open world game on a next gen system WITH FORZA GAMEPLAY???? FUCK ME RIGHT! I popped the disc in and what do you tell me to do? Rise to the ranks again and explore your world….wait what? Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice? SHAME ON YOU! Literally nothing changed. You still had the same outline to your game. Upgrade your festival, find barn yard cars, and race against trains or flying jeeps. I get it, maybe you’re going through mid-life crisis and can’t break out of the same old routine. Or, maybe you are just trying to steal all my money. What gives? Please! Explain to me why you can’t build upon a great franchise? Sure, you added more DLC cars and roads than ever before. But now you’re mentally and monetarily draining me. Why am I buying extra cars and winter maps? Shouldn’t this be included in the new game I just bought that’s supposedly better than the predecessor? You keep putting meatloaf on the table, can’t we have tacos for once!?!!

On top of feeding me the same stuff you went and changed your tune. Every car in your game sounds the same, none of them sound like they’re real life counterpart. My good buddy, who loves his Ford Focus ST, said he made the worst mistake ever. He drove his own car in the game. The car sounded and drove NOTHING like his car.

I have to ask. Who are you Forza Horizon? I’m sorry but if you want this driveshaft again you need to change it up for part 4. Bring something new to the table. Add cops! Add a real fucking story! Not this festival bullshit we’ve played 3 times already. Maybe add a third person adventure aspect to it. For the love of god! Please bring some spice back into our lives. You have the foundation built and its great, just don’t settle. Flourish dammit. FLOURISH! Until then, I will not be coming back to you. Show me that you’ve changed and maybe I’ll reconsider.

I loved you. But you’ve changed. For that reason, I’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU.

Good bye, fuck you.