Last Guardian, The

A Frustrating Yet Amazing Masterpiece

overall score 91 / 
Dec 14, 16  | reviewed by Killer1022 (1091)

After waiting 100 + years for The Last Guardian....

gameplay 45 / story 99 / graphics 90 / sound 99

Wait no, that was the Cubs winning the World Series, well I guess its the same shit since it took forever for this game to come out.  I wasn’t going to buy it, I even told myself lets wait for it to drop in price. So how did I end up getting this game? My wonderful girlfriend bought it for me as a Christmas gift (even though I wanted it on digital not disc ahem ahem). So rewind to Sunday, I’m sitting there talking to SuicideSnowman as he is playing his copy of the The Last Guardian and what do I hear? “Bunch of fucking bullshit (Dana Carvey I hate you), stupid game controls I want to climb up not inside the catdogbird’s asshole…”  After listening to this bitching for about 43 mins, yea I timed it, my game finally installed.

As the game starts you get greeted by a shitty fucking menu: New Game, Options, DA FUQ?  Immediately I start thinking OMG is SS’s irrational bitching finally right?  Well what else to do but hit New Game.  AND WE’RE OFF!  There is a catdogbird chained to a floor to which I shall call “Trico”, but you control Mexican Santa’s little helper Pepe.  Sounds amazing right? Except this game gives you no hints as to what needs to be done, or where to go, or who to hump. It immediately reminded me to when I first played Zelda: A Link to the Past when I was 4 yrs old.  I literally had no fucking clue what was going on, so I just cut grass and kept cutting it till lunch was ready, then I cut more afterwards.  I should really go back and play that game.  Anyways yea, no fucking help, and Trico looks at you all pissed.  So I start to wander around and I find 3 glowing barrels, playing a shit ton of 3rd person shooters I stack them at the wood door, now… to I blow these up, maybe Trico can fart and blow it up, but then why would you need barrels? But no, you have to feed him these barrels, thats how he gets energy.  I won’t ruin anymore of the game/controls, cause I want you to figure it out on your own, but you have been warned…THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

After 15 minutes of yelling at Trico, he finally jumped


Control wise this game works perfectly about 20% of the time, the other 80% you sit there mashing on the controller trying to escape an enemy, get Trico to move the right direction, or even having Pepe climb Trico in the right direction.  Its frustrating, annoying, and sad especially given the amount of time they spent making this game.  Eventually you get somewhat used to the controls and start plowing through the game at a slow pace, because you will die, numerous times, because of the controls.  Btw when you die, the screen turns black and little hieroglyphics appear, to which you need to mash buttons to clear off before you respawn.  So don’t leave the screen on and take a shit, you’ll come back and have to mash buttons for 5 mins.

The gameplay might be complete trash, but in return you get an amazing atmosphere.  Pepe and Trico’s connection grows throughout the game and you get sucked into the middle of it like a Hallmark Movie Channel Porno.  You can’t stop watching it cause its so special and different than what you’re used to.  I found myself petting Trico whenever he got hurt or felt sad, trying to save and protect him the entire time.  He did the same in return, fighting off baddies and catching you when falling. The bond became so strong, it felt like you were Pepe.  I couldn’t put the controller down, I had to keep going, seeing where this story would go.  I will admit, I may have teared up during parts of the game (side note: Fuck you SS I didn’t cry like a girl) and it was all worth it.  The story comes together in the best way possible, you completely forget the bad controls or the fact that Trico kept turning in circles that one time.  No game ever has displayed “Less is More” than this one, except controls and hints, wish they really had more of that shit.

Love this guy

With a great story comes great sound and graphics.  There are a few parts where you think hmmmm maybe this game would be possible on PS3, but then you get greeted by some amazing levels and animations.  The art style is a mix of cartoony and real, so it gives a great atmosphere to the entire game.  Accompanied with great sound, whenever I was chased by an enemy big beats filled my ears, horror struck my heart, making me feel like I was actually in danger (besides trying to jump off Trico).  Voice acting is stellar, from Pepe’s yelling to the narrator’s deep Japanese voice you really get a well rounded experience.

I feel as if I write more I’ll ruin the game for you readers, so go do yourself a favor and experience this masterpiece of a story.  The controls may be bad, but in the end you will feel rewarded.

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release date

October 31, 2016


Rating Pending