Existentialism and Me -or- How We're All Going Extinct Soon Enough
  • POSTED BY elheber on Apr 30, 2016

     

    What a time to be alive, amirite? We weren’t born slaves during the building of the Egyptian pyramids, and instead we walk around with tiny computers in our pockets while we travel in the sky to get from one continent to another within hours. But why couldn’t we have been born in 2184? By then cancer has been solved and people will have young bodies for the rest of their 500+ year lifespans. And the overpopulation problem has been solved with personal sexbots and by colonizing other planets. Why couldn’t have we been born then?

    Because humanity will end relatively soon.

    Imagine I made a program with one button that, when pressed, displays a random integer between zero and X. That’s all it does. You press it once and it displays 8. Then I tell you, “the lower bound is 0, but I made the upper bound X be either 10 or 10,000,000.” Do you think I made the upper bound ten or ten million? You only got to press it once.

    Your birth was that button, and the random number you rolled was the year 1984 (or whatever). Do you think human civilization will have existed for only ten thousand years or ten million?

    All it takes is one fuckin’ massive asteroid. All it takes is the long awaited WWIII. All it takes is one really bad bio-engineered supervirus. All it takes is a little more greenhouse gas in the atmosphere. Robot uprising, zombie apocalypse, bee colony collapse, Children of Men happens; pick your poison.

    The universe is so large that it’s mathematically near-impossible that we’re the only intelligent life in it. Yet, the universe has been around for so long that it’s also mathematically near-impossible that our sky isn’t filled with signs of other advanced civilizations. And yet there is none. The only explanations is that either we really are the only intelligent life around, or perhaps more alarmingly is that all advanced civilizations just die out before they get a chance to spread.

    So if someone says, “they want to raise our taxes for cancer research,” I respond with, “fuck, man, take it all!” Educate the next generation. Solve global warming. Colonize Mars and Venus. Fund it all. As mean as it may sound, if a particular sect of a religion is fucking it up for the rest of us, I would not mind if they’re bombed into extinction. Because as far as I’m concerned, in the long run they were hurting our chances of surviving the next 200 years. For nearly all issues, in fact, the first thing I consider is, “will it help us survive the next 200 years?” Everything else is secondary to me.

    "A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."

    "A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
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