This week I click on that unholy egg to see if it cures diabetes.
You know those clickbait thumbnails that you know for sure are full of shit? At the risk of infecting my PC with more viruses than a CDC lab mouse, I will click on them to see what the hell they could possibly be about.
This week I click on this thing:
Looking for a credible source for health news? It’s right next to all the tits.
Those thumbnails are called Internet Chum. Most of them are about sex, but surprisingly a lot of them are about eggs for some reason. Well… I guess this one also kind of looks like a human nipple if you squint really hard.
Are you as curious as I am to find out what this thing is about? Join me, will you, as we venture into the mysteries of this fucking gross egg and what it could possibly have to do with putting the diabetes industry out of business.
First, let’s start off with the picture and where it comes from. Some reverse image searching brought me to original picture from a Canadian farmer’s personal blog: My Mountain Garden Gleanings
The picture (along with a few more), she describes is of one of her rather strange eggs. Her chickens’ eggs to be specific. It’s an egg that was laid before it was finished forming, so it got this icky tube thing which could accurately be described as a belly button.
Does it have anything to do with diabetes? Probably not. The comment section in that blog post is filled with other internet detectives who sleuthed their way onto her website after seeing the picture attributed to everything from weight loss to health insurance. The farmer herself seemed surprised. This is just another case of pictorial bait and switch, it seems. We have been bamboozled.
Now I click the link to see what this “diabetes trick” is all about.
It takes me to a website called DiabetesGroup.org, to a page that appears to be an article titled “Diabetes Breakthrough That Could Save Your Life [Watch]“. The article itself is short and describes a breakthrough cure so unbelievably good that the evil, greedy pharmaceutical companies want to ban all knowledge of its existence. Those corporate fat cats are in cahoots with the government, and they’re actively killing people by not telling them this easy cure for diabetes. The article doesn’t say what the cure is, though; you have to click a video below to find it. Frankly, you’d wonder why they wouldn’t just tell us in the article what the cure is instead of burying it another level deep if they were really standing up to Big Pharma.
The video itself has the picture of the egg we had already established has nothing to do with curing diabetes. Before I click on the video, let us inspect th- holy crap it’s just an image of a video.
This image is called “weirdfruit7.jpg” making this the first fruit to come from a chicken’s vagina.
The image calls that thing a fruit and it’s got a YouTube button on what is obviously not a YouTube player. What’s made to look like an embedded video player is actually link redirect: “securedirect.co/path/out.php” which I’m too paranoid to actually click on.
Instead, for 35 long minutes, the altruistic people behind this ad (who complain about pharmaceutical companies covering up the ultimate diabetes cure) are selling you a $60 paperback book which will tell you the cure… eventually. It turns out the book is actually only part 1 & 2 of the 7-part book series that will tell you the cure. According to Amazon, the author is an “author, entrepreneur, visionary, he is a nutritionist, fitness trainer and has been in the health industry for almost a decade.” Apart from the redundancy of the Author section telling us he’s an author, you’ll likely notice a distinct lack of “doctor” in that career list. He turns out to be just another greedy person trying to keep the ultimate cure to diabetes a secret from you.
No worries, good people of GameLust (all 5 of you), the secret cure that even the author is too selfish to tell you about is thankfully spoiled by the book reviews. “It basically tells you to eat nothing but raw fruit & vegetables,” says one truly generous reviewer who gave away the cure for free. Thank you for sticking it to Big Pharma and curing our diabetes, Jerry Pryor of Amazon’s review section. You are a true hero of the people.
So there you have it: Veganism is the easy trick to curing diabetes. All you have to change is everything about your current lifestyle. Simple.
And the unholy egg is actually a fruit so it all works out.
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